Leave Religion Improve your Sex life

A recent study by Dr. Darrel W. Ray of 14,500 secularists concluded that people who leave religion have a healthier attitude about their sex lives as opposed to some who feel bound by their religion. Dr. Ray is an organizational psychologist, consultant and author of “The God Virus: How Religion Infects Our Lives and Culture” and founder of the organization Recovering from Religion. For the first 10 years of his career he practiced as a clinical psychologist before moving into the corporate world where he has had an international consulting practice since 1986. Some the text of my following article is from The Humanist magazine of critical and social concern.

The key findings of his survey were as follows:

• Sex improves dramatically after leaving religion.
• Sexual guilt has little staying power after leaving religion.
• Those raised most religious show no difference from those raised least religious in their sexual behavior.
• Those raised most religious experience far more guilt but have just as much sex.
• Religious parents are far worse at educating their children on matters of sex.
• Religious guilt differs in measurable amounts according to denomination.

This first of its kind survey looks at attitudes and behavior related to sexuality and religion including religious sexual guilt, parenting behavior, sex education and sexual satisfaction before and after leaving religion. The most important finding shows dramatic improvement in sexual satisfaction and a decrease in guilt after people left religion. Approximately 55%% of respondents said their sex life greatly improved to an 8, 9 or 10 (on a 10 pt. scale) after leaving religion while only 2.2% said it became worse.

The primary findings of the study show that people who are religious have a good deal of guilt about sex
and sexuality, but their behavior is about the same as the non-religious. Guilt is a key component of
religious attitudes about sex, but actual behavior, whether first masturbation, first oral sex, first intercourse,
Etc. does not change appreciably with religiosity.

The US government has been deeply involved in abstinence only education for almost 10 years. The government’s own research shows that such programs do not work or at best, delay the onset of sexual behavior by months. Results of this survey closely mirror those of abstinence only programs. Children from religious homes don’t delay sexual activities appreciably but they feel guilty about doing it and probably know less about sex and protecting themselves, than their secular counterparts. Being knowledgeable about the subject of sex including safety and reproductive control are crucial to a well functioning society.

One key finding was a clear pattern of improvement in sexual satisfaction depending on former religious affiliation. The study concluded that Mormons, Jehovah’s Witness, Pentecostal, Seventh Day Adventists, and Baptists are among the most guilt driven of religions Lutherans, Catholics, and Presbyterians were in the middle. Atheists, Agnostics, Jews, Hindus, and Buddhists appear to have the healthiest attitudes about their sexuality. Those leaving high guilt religions showed the most improvement in their sex lives.

In the US, many religious leaders are against sex education in schools and insist that parents and churches should be primarily responsible for teaching their children about healthy sexuality. In reality not all parents are knowledge wise, or emotionally equipped to communicate in a mature manner about sexuality with their children. Unfortunately compared to many more progressive European countries the U.S. has a duality about sexual acceptance. A great deal of sexual innuendo is used in American advertising and marketing, but healthy generic sexual attitudes are not necessarily taught or embraced. Results of this survey show parents, whether religious or not, are not particularly good at talking to their children. More secular parents do talk to their children 38% of the time, to a mere 13% of religious parents. People from religious homes felt that their education in sex was poor compared to those from less religious homes.

Most religions preach strongly against pornography or “erotica” so it is reasonable to think that pornography use would be less among the more religious. This survey found that porn use is quite high in all groups and is a key source of sex education for religious teens. The most religious teens said they got their sex education from porn 33% of the time, the less religious 25.2% of the time. The survey found that 90% of men were using
pornography by age 21 with no significant difference between those most and least religious. For women,
over 50% of them were using porn by age 21, and 70% at age 30, with little difference between most and least
religious followers. Many couples find pornography or erotic images to be a positive adjunct to their relationships.

Religions teach against sex before marriage, but the survey found that differences between the most and least religious was negligible. Most important, religious teens said they got their sexual education from personal experience 50.2%, compared to 42.4% for the less religious. In other words, children who were raised most religiously are experimenting with sex more than those raised non-religious.

Women and men saw equal improvement after religion. Those who felt their sex life was worse gave revealing comments such as: “Since leaving religion, I have not had a physical or emotional relationship with my wife.” “Since becoming an atheist I have not met anyone who does not have some religious or 'spiritual' belief system. As a result, life is very lonely. I am proactively meeting new single members of the opposite sex, in an effort to find someone who does not believe in the supernatural.” Some said that religion contributed to marital problems. Those married to very religious people had the least satisfying sex lives and reported many restrictions on what was allowed, even if they had been married many years.

The following are examples of comments from those who felt that they were harmed by religion:

“Once, my wife came home from Church and announced that there will be no more oral sex because the
priest said oral sex was a sodomy and she should not practice it.” “His religiosity prevents us from having an honest discussion. I feel like there is an unseen wall between us now”.

The researchers expected to find those who left religion with residual effects of guilt for many years after leaving their religion. Surprisingly, those who had been out of religion for several years reported few residual effects with great sexual satisfaction. Many who were polled indicated that leaving religion had a strong positive impact on their improved sexual satisfaction.

The study concludes that “biology happens” and people will have sex regardless of religious training. Religious parents do a poor job of educating their children leaving them without the tools to make informed decisions. Religious people have more guilt about sex but do it just as much. The effects of religion wear off fairly quickly for most people once they leave religion entirely. Finally, leaving religion improves sexual satisfaction dramatically for most people.

In my opinion any dogma, cult, or philosophy that discourages critical thinking, free thought, deep questioning, encourages ignorance, and instills unproductive guilt is unhealthy for individuals and society both physically and emotionally. Ignorant and fearful parents who try to keep their school districts from instructing students about sexuality, LBGT studies, and the realities of human interaction are only bringing harm to their children and society. Everyone should attempt to empower themselves about their bodies, organic functions, and diversity in gender relationships. The full report can be downloaded at www.IPCpress.com.