Roman Catholic Church’s Revised Business Plan

For Increasing Market Share:

1. Do not take a position on birth control, abortion, or homosexuality.

2. Prosecute and dismiss clergy who are sex offenders.

3. Eliminate the male dominated culture. Let woman be priests and men be nuns.

4. Use fair compensation and benefits for nuns equal to priests

5. Create a Reformed movement modeled after the Jewish Reformed movement.

6. Spend more financial resources on social and educational based programs.

7. Stay away from judgmental and vilifying statements.

8. Let followers be selective about what they choose to believe.

9. No ex-communication for: divorce, abortion, birth control, adultery.

10. Vatican should be more humble about accepting constructive criticism and change.

11. Do not get involved in political issues unless they support the improvement of human rights.

12. Do not support the traditional confession model. No more: “Three hail Mary’s” and write a check for forgiveness.

a. In a late April poll by the Forum on Religion and Public Life at the Pew Research Center, Catholics, 50 percent to 28 percent, approved of Notre Dame’s invitation to Mr. Obama. Approval among weekly churchgoers, when Hispanics were included, was as high as disapproval. For Catholics, the more important Pew study, also released in April, examined changes in Americans’ religious affiliation over their lifetimes. It found that for every adult entering the Catholic Church from another religious background, four were leaving. Catholicism has held its own as a percentage of the population only because of immigration, especially from Latin America, and higher birth rates.