Are same-sex couples better parents?

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfmoms/detail?blogid=46&entry_id=51269


A story about a couples experience.

My daughter's first best friend had two dads. My husband and I used to joke that the dads were better parents than us, and the thing is they were.

We'd show up for a play date at the park, and my daughter would announce that she was hungry. I'd dig out a bag of old mushy raisins from the bottom of my purse (who knows how long they had been in there), while one of the dads would magically pull a spread of carefully chopped fruit (enough for everyone) from his satchel.

Now I'm not saying that you can judge a parent by the quality of their snacks but this theme of thoughtful parenting carried through into everything these dads did.

Out of any parents I knew, they were the best at gathering their family around the table every night for dinner, at finding a work-family balance, at disciplining their children in a fair yet firm way, at filling their kids' schedule with a healthy mix of creative free play and planned activities.

And then there was the dad's relationship, which impressed me the most. They worked as a team, raising the kids as equals. They weren't restricted by gender roles or rules. One cut back on work to spend more time with the kids, and it wasn't this huge deal because he was the woman who was sacrificing her career or he was the progressive stay-at-home dad who deserved a medal for doing something only women used to do.

They shared the household responsibilities as equals--there was no fighting over who should cook and no stigma around who folded the laundry. Just the other evening my husband and I got into a small argument in front of the kids because he was applauding himself for folding the laundry and saying he was such a good dad because he does laundry. He was implying that this isn't part of a man's job, and I was angry because we both work full time and I feel we should split the household duties...oh the woes of a heterosexual married couple with kids. Anyway, this would never happen in the household of these two dads. They got things done with no fuss, and it was so refreshing.

In yesterday's New York Times Magazine, a provoking story by Lisa Belkin makes the point that same-sex couples are remarkably good parents, possibly even better than heterosexual ones because they're not tied up in gender roles. She confirms the feelings I had about my dad friends all along.

Here's an excerpt from Belkin's story:

...until relatively recently, we didn't know much about the children of same-sex couples. The earliest studies, dating to the 1970s, were based on small samples and could include only families who stepped forward to be counted. But about 20 years ago, the Census Bureau added a category for unwed partners, which included many gay partners, providing more demographic data. Not every gay couple that is married, or aspiring to marry, has children, but an increasing number do: approximately 1 in 5 male same-sex couples and 1 in 3 female same-sex couples are raising children, up from 1 in 20 male couples and 1 in 5 female couples in 1990.
This growth, coupled with the passage of time, means there is a large cohort of children who are now old enough to yield solid data. And the portrait emerging tells us something about the effects of gay parenting. It also contains lessons for all parents.
"These children do just fine," says Abbie E. Goldberg, an assistant professor in the department of psychology at Clark University, who concedes there are some who will continue to believe that gay parents are a danger to their children, in spite of a growing web of psychological and sociological evidence to the contrary. Her new book, "Lesbian and Gay Parents and Their Children," is an analysis of more than 100 academic studies, most looking at groups of 30 to 150 subjects, and primarily on lesbian mothers, though of late there is a spike in research about gay fathers.
In most ways, the accumulated research shows, children of same-sex parents are not markedly different from those of heterosexual parents. They show no increased incidence of psychiatric disorders, are just as popular at school and have just as many friends. While girls raised by lesbian mothers seem slightly more likely to have more sexual partners, and boys slightly more likely to have fewer, than those raised by heterosexual mothers, neither sex is more likely to suffer from gender confusion nor to identify themselves as gay.
More enlightening than the similarities, however, are the differences, the most striking of which is that these children tend to be less conventional and more flexible when it comes to gender roles and assumptions than those raised in more traditional families.
There are data that show, for instance, that daughters of lesbian mothers are more likely to aspire to professions that are traditionally considered male, like doctors or lawyers -- 52 percent in one study said that was their goal, compared with 21 percent of daughters of heterosexual mothers, who are still more likely to say they want to be nurses or teachers when they grow up. (The same study found that 95 percent of boys from both types of families choose the more masculine jobs.) Girls raised by lesbians are also more likely to engage in "roughhousing" and to play with "male-gendered-type toys" than girls raised by straight mothers. And adult children of gay parents appear more likely than the average adult to work in the fields of social justice and to have more gay friends in their social mix.
Heterosexual couples might want to pay attention to these results. While the gay-marriage debate is playing out on the public stage, a more private debate is taking place in kitchens and bedrooms over who does what in a heterosexual marriage (takes out the trash, spends more time with the kids, feels free to head out with their friends for a beer). The philosophical underpinnings of both conversations — gay marriage and equality in parenting -- are similar, in that both focus on equality for adults (in the case of heterosexuals, mostly wives). But even if parents who seek parity do so for their own sanity and in pursuit of their own ideals, might it not also be better for their children?
Yes, if less conventional, more tolerant children are your goal. Because if the children of gays and lesbians are different, it is presumably related to the way they were raised -- by parents with a view of domestic roles that differs from most of their heterosexual peers.


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Why some people may choose Orthodox/Evangelical Religious Beliefs

After observing, interviewing, and researching why people believe so literally/strongly, be it Jewish, Christian, Muslim, etc., I came to the following conclusions:

• Those who have addictive behaviors, suffering from substance abuse, gambling, other addictions found a structure that kept them from their addictions (Ex- George W Bush)
• Those who came from dogmatic religious family backgrounds, and who may also feel guilty for not being extremely religious.
• Those who feel awkward or displaced in mainstream society.
• Those who seek comfort in Patriarchal, authoritarian, traditional, rigid social structures ( EX-A. Scalia)
• Those who find comfort and security in living a well defined and “Black & White” life structure, where one would never take risks asking questions, or doubting the rules.
• Those who have recurring prison experiences (Ex-many choose Baptist, but are not born Baptist)
• Those who have grown up in a very dysfunctional family where they may have experienced severe emotional, physical, and/or sexual abuse.
• Those who are the leaders of these groups find them to be lucrative business ventures (Ex-Pat Robertson, Jimmy Swaggert)
• Those who find comfort and escape in myths, fantasy, and illusions.
• The above people tend to be very loyal, nationalistic, patriotic, and unquestioning followers.

**Things I Like About America

Some of my Right leaning friends will sometimes accuse me of “Dishing” America, instead of focusing on the positive attributes of our country. For clarification I do not dislike America, I care about this countries people very much, even though I strongly disapprove of some of the abhorrent past behaviors of some of our leaders and people in positions of wealth and power.

Any system, organization, or relationship has its inherent shortfalls and weaknesses. If one refuses to call out and try to make corrections so that the indentified weaknesses may be removed or changed, than the delivery systems of these entities will ultimately fail.

My grandparents came to this country at the beginning of the Twentieth Century to flee the oppressive and brutal czarist regimes of Russia. America offered my grandparents opportunities for potential prosperity, religious freedom, and a government that would allow them to openly criticize its leaders. The ability to financially prosper and choose ones religious beliefs, are very important covenants of our system.

When one is in the moment and an oppressed minority in any society, the timeline of progress may many times appear to be endless or non-existent. Looking back over the last one hundred and fifty years of America’s history I will highlight what I perceive to be social progress.

• Mid 1800’s growth of the Abolitionist movement to eliminate slavery.
• Teddy Roosevelt creates National Park system to preserve and nurture valuable parts of the landscape and environment.
• Teddy Roosevelt makes major headway in dissolving steel, oil, railroad, banking, and industrial trusts that choked out competition and resulted in higher costs to the consumer.
• The “Sufferjets” ultimately winning a women’s right to vote, 1920.
• FDR spearheading the creation of Social Security to stabilize the retirement system for the average American.
• FDR creating the SEC and FDIC, Glass–Steagall Act of 1932, to stabilize and control egregious bank lending and stock manipulation practices.
• NLRB, 1935, Wagner Act, gave labor unions bargaining power on par with corporate power, so workers could assert their rights.
• Thurgood Marshall winning 1954 landmark Supreme Court case, Brown v. Board of Education, outlawing school segregation.
• LBJ’s Civil Rights Act of 1964 that made a major step in eliminating segregation and racial divides.
• Loving v. Virginia, 388 U.S. 1 (1967)[1], was a landmark civil rights case in which the United States Supreme Court, by a 9-0 vote, declared Virginia's anti-miscegenation statute, the "Racial Integrity Act of 1924", unconstitutional, thereby overturning Pace v. Alabama (1883) and ending all race-based legal restrictions on marriage in the United States.
• The Equal Employment Opportunity Act of 1972 instituted the federal Equal Employment Opportunity program, which is designed to ensure fair treatment to all segments of society without regard to race, religion, color, national origin, or sex.
• Roe v. Wade, 1973, was a landmark decision by the United States Supreme Court on the issue of abortion. This law was an important step in giving women dominion over their reproductive rights and bodies.
• Health Care Reform Act, 2010, making major first steps in improving and creating health services for all Americans.
• Many people who so generously volunteer their time and money to try to improve the lives of the downtrodden and less fortunate.

The above highlighted progressive social and economic changes are a patent indication that we have made major inroads to improving the equality and opportunities for all Americans. Going back to my major premise, we need to continually clearly indentify, accept, and carve out positive solutions to removing impediments to equality and quality of life for all Americans.

America was not founded, just for the benefit of a handful of elitist power brokers and financiers. Unfortunately we sometimes move to the “Darkside”, and empower Corporate Personhood, relax environmental, safety, and consumer protections, create morally repugnant “False Flag Events” such as “911”, and war against innocent nation states for the sole purpose of imperialistic control of their natural and economic resources.

Throughout history those who proposed progressive changes to society always faced opposition from established power structures of religion, corporations, staid traditionalists, slave owners, racists, power elite, and people just generally fearful of any changes. These progressive pioneers were labeled communists, socialists, heretics, anarchists, and whatever other inappropriate venomous labels, that those who felt threatened by progressive change try to use as irrational ammunition, to try and maintain the status quo.

If we just stick to the “Golden Rule”, become very well educated, create opportunity for all, work hard, and maintain our Moral Compass, America can only become even better than it has in the last few centuries.